- musings from mum of two, Nicki Davy
The day that I told my head of Sixth Form that I was planning to go to Manchester University to do Theatre Studies (having loved it at both GCSE and A-Level), he smiled, shook his head, and said:
‘Oh Nicki, you’re better than that! You’re so academic! In your future, I see you in a nice suit sitting behind a big desk!’
The very image makes me shudder.
To be clear, the direction I took following this conversation certainly wasn’t my teacher’s fault – quite clearly, I just wasn’t confident enough to do what I really wanted to at that time – but this is still the moment that I come back to when I think about ditching my performing dreams in favour of ‘academic talent’.
In the 16 years that have passed since then, I’ve kept myself pretty busy. I studied for a very academic Philosophy degree (scraping a thoroughly undeserved 2.1 and hating every minute of it), worked in a variety of bland admin jobs, trained as a teacher, decided not to be a teacher, did an MA in Theatre (a fantastic year that offered a brief glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, before I got pulled back into teaching for the last time), got married, had 2 children, volunteered for some local Arts organisations, worked as a children’s performer, questioned my life’s purpose and my role in the world…
It was at this point that I reconnected with the wonderful Steph Morgan. We hadn’t seen each other since we worked on a project for WYTN some years previously, but when she popped up on my Facebook feed something prompted me to get in touch.
In July, I began training with Both Feet in both Manchester and Leeds – and it’s no exaggeration to say that it has changed my life.
Before I’d even finished the Introduction weekend, I had quit my job as a full-time children’s entertainer. By the time I’d finished the Core, I had booked a headshot shoot and begun applying for auditions.
The only way I can describe it is that I felt myself come alive.
I also began the daunting task of telling my nearest and dearest that I was giving up a full-time (albeit minimum wage) job in favour of pursuing my acting dreams. Predictably, responses ranged from ‘that’s nice, dear’ (what I like to refer to as the ‘pat-on-the-head’ response) to ‘what will you do for money?’ to ‘oh my god, this is perfect for you!’ with very little in-between. Thankfully, I’m learning more and more that other people’s opinions, whilst important, don’t matter as much as your own gut.
Now, all that remains is keep training and hope to find my way into the industry.
Piece of cake.
First thing’s first; I am taking every training opportunity that comes my way, whether that be with Both Feet or other local companies. Though scheduling is sometimes tricky with a hard-working husband and 2 small children to think about, thankfully I married an amazing man who supports me all the way.
Alongside training, I’m making a small amount of money as a freelance teacher, mumming with my two girls and, of course, spending an inordinate amount of time chatting with my inner critic – who likes to beat me round the head at any given opportunity with helpful phrases such as:
I could go on, but we might be here for some time…
So it was that, at a night out at the theatre last week (Red Ladder’s wonderful Mother Courage) I confessed to Steph that, as I was watching, I was struggling with my inner critic, who was in full ‘you’ll never be good enough’ mode.
Her response: ‘Everybody has that voice; you can either let it sink you or drive you.’
Thankfully, as it stands I’m choosing to let it drive me.
I still battle, of course. After all, my inner critic also likes to remind me that I have no formal actor training, no drama school qualification to bulk out my CV, no contacts with local companies and I’m horribly awkward at networking.
Instead, I come to the industry aged 34, my cap firmly in hand, armed with nothing but my enthusiasm, my dedication, my passion for performance and a burning fire in the pit of my stomach that tells me I have to do this.
The wonderful thing working with Steph and Adam is that I’m learning to accept my inner critic and overcome it. It’s all part of my progression. Every time I get up and do an exercise, I learn a little more. I’m not trying to be anything I’m not; I’m discovering new things about myself, working within my own reality and learning to trust in myself. It’s liberating, it’s exciting, and it’s very real.
All I can really say is a massive thank you to Steph (and Adam) for accepting me onto their training programme. When I started out, just a couple of months ago, I thought that this ‘might’ be the road that I was meant to take – now I’m absolutely certain, and I feel I’m building the right groundwork to help me progress professionally when opportunities – hopefully – present themselves.
Thanks for writing this blog for us Nicki. I'd imagine there are many other people out there, similar to you. Without sounding patronising, it takes real courage to make that jump, and most won't so make sure you tell your inner critic that. Adam and I love having you in class and I feel extraordinarily lucky to have watched you grow over the last few months. Watch out industry, Nicki is on a mission!
This is a wee blog from the totally stunning Alyce Liburd. She is a dream to work with and an incredible energy to have in any room. I would recommend her a thousand times over to any director and casting director. Not only is she a gorgeous actor, she's also a dancer, singer and a makeup artist. Thanks for taking the time to write this Alyce. Steph x
The day before and the day of my first day training with Both Feet I was beyond nervous. Like proper nervous!!!
What was I getting myself into?
What if everyone thinks I’m terrible? (I definitely used another word)
Do I even belong in a place like this?
Who am I to call myself an ‘Actor’? (I mean I have a headshot and professional credits so that counts right?)
And then all my worries and self deprecating thoughts kinda disappeared, if not just temporarily!
Throughout the first part of my training it was as if I’d finally found my ‘thing’. I haven’t been to drama school, to cut a long story short - I got in but just couldn’t afford to go which for awhile was harder than I imagine getting an actual no. This then meant I spent a lot of time wondering what type of training was out there and what would help me progress as an actor - Both Feet was everything I wanted and more.
I’d never felt as free before, to just ‘do’ and not expect an outcome or have any specific expectations.
Having had all kinds of exercises with emotions flying all over the place (one fiery and anger fueled exercise in particular sticks to mind) the thing I find the most cathartic is having the ability to sit back down to watch other fantastic actors work and not still ‘feel’ after, what I felt in those moments. I could leave it all behind in the work.
Another moment whilst training was in a technical gym class; I had another life altering/craft changing experience where I knew I was completely all in.
I shared such an emotional rollercoaster of an exercise with another actor; we had a given set of circumstances before entering the exercise, we knew who we were to each other and the situation we were in. In the middle of the exercise I had a revelation, just looking seeing him in that moment and reacting to what I saw and my impulses, it changed everything. You probably had the be there...
Another great exercise I had (the last one I’ll speak of.. promise) was during scene work with a wonderful Italian actress. Adam threw us a fantastic curve ball and asked her to speak all her lines in Italian. Can I speak Italian or understand it I hear you ask? NOPE!!
But by me knowing the context of our scene, having already ‘broken the back’ of it a couple of times and just responding to her - it was as if nothing had changed. CRAZY!!! I loved the curve ball (thanks Adam!).
I can also say that I have seen some of the most beautiful and stunning pieces of work whilst watching from the sidelines and feel that’s where I have done a hell of a lot of learning, as an outside eye.
I also don’t feel I would’ve had the opportunity to begin and continue this training had Steph not been so accommodating and BEYOND helpful to my financial situation.
It’s always something that has put me off training courses as it can be expensive and a lot of money to give away particularly when you’re unsure about a course to begin with. The pennies you have, you want to make sure it’s going to benefit you in every way possible.
I’d throw my money to any course Both Feet provided, as I know that I’d be letting myself in for a whole new discovery - every time.
In and amongst all the great things I have to say about Both Feet (and there is A LOT believe me) I have to say that I am proud of myself, what I have managed to achieve whilst training with them; but also taking the training with me to jobs and feeling confident. Which has been a mega step for me!!
And speaking of jobs, I am currently working at the Leeds Playhouse on ‘Airplays’ which was due to Steph recommending me to the director. I was and still am hugely grateful to Steph for putting her neck out for me as I believe recommendations are a big thing to live up to! And also the fact that Both Feet can potentially be a place for you to get work opportunities from is amazing.
I could describe my experience within an inch of my being but for you to really appreciate and experience the Meisner Technique with Both Feet, you have to be in it.
I’m so excited for what else training with Both Feet will unlock and if you have the opportunity to do so, don’t hesitate!!
~ Alyce x
Ps. I also promise to try and not ruin any more of Steph’s pictures... oops!! #seriousactor
AIRPLAYS is a BBC Radio Leeds and Leeds Playhouse co-production in association with Leeds College of Music.
Directed by Kash Arshad.
23-27th October 2018.
Buy tickets here