Barbara Houseman Retreat - Day 2 Reflections

Below is the groups reflections on day 2 of Barbara Houseman's Voice Retreat here at Bodlondeb Studio & Retreat. As you can see our work is deeper than technical voice work. The voice is affected by how we hold ourselves, hide ourselves, show up, our history, our stories. To release the voice is so important to go deeper. I (Steph) design the retreats and the outdoor time to help us go deeper, to help us take our learning into the world around us so it gets into our neurology rather than being "just a lovely time". ​

My morning swim. It was easier today, even though it was colder. I love that it's getting easier. I know I'm holding less. 

I learnt that it’s so much less painful to just let go than it is to hold on, both emotionally and physically and to take your breath from your pelvis all the way up!

Yesterday was a very long day with lots of different discoveries for me. In the morning I set the intention of trusting myself and trusting that my experience of this session, this course will do what I need it to do.
Later we went paddle boarding, I’ve experienced wobbly legs and stood up once before so this time I was very excited to get in the water. I noticed how this quickly changed to impatience. I think this can be a pattern with me that having conquered something challenging once I then rush through the second time.
Noticing this meant I could then let it go and I fully fully relaxed in the session and loved it.

The Breathe of Love evening session brought up a lot of suppressed anger and frustration that I’ve been holding back for months. I still feel like I’m wading in it to some extent and have had a weird time since the session ended as we have been asked to stay silent. I often enjoy a comfortable silence and quiet with people and don’t feel lonely if it’s by choice but last night and today I just wanted to talk and find comfort in others so instead I’ve found myself annoyed and frustrated and wanting to pull away from everyone.

Pain is inevitable - you can fight it or breathe around it. You get to choose.

Asking Why? is essential to understanding, but sometimes going and finding out for yourself is where you get the actual answer. Ask all the questions and invite all the opinions, but find out you own why, and how.

The SUP was not only lots of fun trying something new but it was also a very good experience for noticing personal patterns. For me it was the wish to speed things up out of excitement which is okay as long as it's my choice and I feel comfortable with the option of slowing down also. 

The breath of love work was very intense but Barbara made me feel so comfortable and safe. I feel as though I definitely moved towards feeling more comfortable with myself and this gives me hope for getting through both my personal blocks and the blocks affecting my acting. 

Today was about expanding instead of contracting when faced with fear. In the morning I found new ways of approaching familiar exercises such as cat-cow and the spine roll. Slowing down the movements made them new again. 

Stand up paddle boarding challenged me to approach something new without putting pressure on myself to be “good”.

The breath of love work in the evening allowed space for inner truths to rise to the surface and be somatically experienced. The space felt held for release in an environment of security. 

Still in a very liminal space after day to paddleboarding taught me to relax and trust myself. Have confidence in myself when fears arise meet it with confidence.  The centered breathing brought me to a place of self nurturing but also an earth somethings I have been numbing myself to.  I am sure we will Delve deeper into this as the week goes on. This slow crawl towards the true self is an essential luxury that is beneficial for all aspects of life not just our work.

To feel the lightness in my body and mind when the heavy head was aligned and lifted was transformative! The effortless was delicious and something I've been seeking.